Two words changed my life.
Spoiler Alert: The photo is the spoiler.
The words are "resist nothing".
Ironically, (or not) I got them tattooed on my arm, way before I could fully comprehend their meaning or put that meaning into practice.
I got the tattoo about 6 years ago, and my thought process was a bit incomplete.
It was at a time in my life where good things were happening. I don't remember exactly what they were, they may have been related to career, romance, friendship or all of the above. I do know some part of me was scared to accept, let alone embrace this good fortune..
I felt myself pushing them away, trying to unconsciously sabotage them and waiting for the other shoe to drop. On some level I felt that I didn't really deserve them. I read the phrase "resist nothing" somewhere and thought it would be a great reminder. A great reminder not to push out the good things that life has to offer.
I now know that is only part of it.
"Resist Nothing" means just that. Resist NOTHING. The good, the bad, the ugly can all be met where they are without resistance.
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, one of the definitions of "resist: is: " to exert oneself so as to counteract or defeat."
My definition of resistance is saying no to what is.
When you stop and think about how much in life we resist, to no avail, it's almost funny. I say almost because the futility of the "resistance" battle robs us of so much. The resistance I'm talking about is mental and emotional.
Whether it's something small like the weather, traffic, someone else's behavior, or something huge like the loss of a job, and illness or the death of a loved one, we rail against the situation internally, and the effect is the same. We are denying the reality of the circumstance AS IT IS in the current moment. We have just as much chance of changing the weather by wishing it so, as we do of resurrecting someone.
This is where a lot of us start to bristle. Are we supposed to throw our hands up in the air, give up, and just accept everything life throws our way?
Yes and no.
YES, we are supposed to accept everything life throws our way AS IT IS HAPPENING, because we have no choice. As important and powerful as we think we are, there are some things that we cannot change one of them is time, what is, already is.
Are we supposed to just give up then?
NO, absolutely not. We can accept what is happening at any given time, and still stop to consider if there are choices and actions, we can take MOVING FORWARD, to change what will be. We can never change what IS. This is a very important distinction.
I am not talking about being a defeatist, I am talking about being empowered in knowing and accepting what we can change (hello serenity prayer!).
One of the most basic but esoteric things I find myself resisting is my own emotional state. I don't like feeling sad, or angry or scared and so I try to push those emotions down or back or distract myself from them. But, as they say, "what you resist, persists".
What I am learning to do (work in progress) is name the uncomfortable feeling when it happens and sit with the discomfort. I find it dissipates much more quickly this way than it does when I bury it, only to pop up again, unexpectedly, at a later point.
The practice of "resisting nothing" is (not so) simply, taking the reality of any given moment, acknowledging it, and letting it be. Let LIFE be. We mistakenly make our mission statement, "I must always feel happy". A more realistic goal is, "I must always feel COMPLETELY".. In this way we are not constantly looking forward or backwards or chasing an unattainable ideal. We just let things be.
Sometimes, (and by that, I mean always) things are what they are. The rejection of that simple truth causes us suffering.
Oh, and the bonus life-changing word I mentioned in the title? "Allow".